Today Was a Good Day

My new company TrueSelf rolled out registration for our first online course — The Personality Advantage System (based on the Enneagram).

And I ripped off a $26,000 / 20+% total day gain in my options portfolio, with the biggest winners being recently made heavily concentrated bets in Lam Research and Micron.

I made these concentrated bets in these 2 companies on the basis of the stock market being short term #overbought but still rallying and those tech stocks still under participating in the recent rally, in part due to analysts underestimating the Tech Semiconductor Supercycle that is currently underway with trends in: Self-Driving Cars, Big Data, Data Centers, AI/Machine Learning, Cryptomining, Internet of Things and More.

I continue to be surprised about how low the ratio is amongst my friends of capital invested in crypto vs stocks (or any other asset class for that matter).

There is just as big a killing to be made in the stock market as the crypto market if you know how to use options for leverage.

Investing in crypto is just being an angel investor in early stage tech products. And it’s not very smart to be so concentrated in one sub-sector of tech (crypto) at one very early stage of maturity (mostly 100M -$10B with most projects being super risky with no revenue).

For long term financial performance it’s critical to exercise proper diversification across many variables:

• Company Maturity — invest in mature tech companies with billions of dollars in revenue that are changing the world, not just speculative crypto-startups with nearly 0 in revenue.

• Multiple sectors and asset classes (especially if you’re nearing 40)

• Asset allocation of your investments that properly reflects your desired risk profile. And if you pick a hyper-aggressive profile like putting more than 10% of your investable assets in crypto make sure you can stomach the volatility of the return profile. Higher returns almost always entail higher volatility. i.e. don’t buy high and sell low because you aren’t willing to ride out the downs.

One benefit of non-correlated asset allocation is the ability to rotate capital to the largest opportunities.

Due to my asset allocation of 80-90% stocks and options, and 10-20% crypto, I’m now booking some gains in the stock market with the indexes near the top end of their range and rotating at least $5k into crypto with the market near the bottom end of its range.

I’ve gained a ton of benefit from the crypto facebook group I’m in with a number of friends who regularly share knowledge, advice, links, tips and tricks and so now I’m creating an analogous group for people interested in investing and trading the stock market.

Let me know if you’d like me to add you.

An Update

I’ve been working 12-14 hours a day since the start of the new year with no days off to get my new company TrueSelf off the ground.

All that despite a rough common cold I picked up from the New Years all-nighter.

I just draw on Michael Jordan’s infamous flu game for inspiration.

We’re getting very close to releasing a lot of work that’s been in the pipeline.

An Online Class entitled the Personality Advantage System: Introductory Course will be coming out next week.

Essentially, it is an introduction to the 9 Types of the Enneagram.

My co-founders Katherine Fauvre and Nick Connor will be doing a Live Q&A about the Intro Course on Tuesday at 2pm live on FB, as well as on Zoom.

Our free personality test is also almost done, which will assess your Primary Enneagram Type, Tritype and Instinctual stacking, with far more accuracy than any other Enneagram test ever made.

A lot of love, blood, sweat and tears has gone into this over the last few months — and the many decades of work members of our team have put in that lead up to this.

Master Classes, Brand Identity, Coaching Programs, and full-featured web applications coming soon after.

Stay tuned.

A Thanksgiving Reflection on My Life’s Journey

Today on Thanksgiving 2017, I head to Costa Rica for a 10 day vacation.

And I’m feeling grateful for all the blessings in my life.

In 2009, I remember this particular peak moment laying in the spa, after attending a 2 month immersion program in Berlin for 30 digital natives under 30 called Palomar 5.

I was on my gap year just after graduating high school 5 months earlier, and I’d been pushing hard for a few years to break free of the guardrails of the conventional life path and trail blaze my own entrepreneurial one.

While I was laying on my back immersed in the warm salt water, I remember a voice coming into my head that whispered, ‘your life is now exactly where it should be’. And a sense of inner peace, calmness and settledness washed over my soul.

Through hard work, courage and good fortune, I largely stayed on top of that wave for the next year and half, through the successful launch and emergence of the Startup Genome Project in 2011.

I had my physical and mental health. I had my purpose. I was growing and developing the organizational structure to share my gifts and vision with the world.

Then at the end of 2011, as I was galloping along like a white knight on his horse, an ambushing barrage of arrows blindsided me in the form of a soured former business partner, lawsuits, delayed fundraising timelines, going broke, getting burned out, losing physical and mental health in the burnout, diverging visions with my co-founders, multi-factor autoimmune illnesses, being forced out of my company, more lawsuits, autoimmune relapses that cut even deeper into my physical and mental health and fortitude.

The ensuing 5-6 years brought many ups and downs, many growth experiences, many multi-dimensional personal and inter-personal deepening.

But there was still this nagging feeling that my life wasn’t exactly where it should be, like it had been before. I felt like I was chasing my destiny, to catch back up with it.

It was like my Destiny was my horse from the time of the ambush, still running wild and free down a different timeline, continuing to trail blaze the path my self in this timeline could sense and one day catch up to.

Today, I’m grateful to say, I have caught up to my Destiny’s Horse, jumped back in the saddle and we’ve now been stably galloping through new lands for enough time that it now feels like the new norm.

Back in 2009, at Palomar 5, as I was getting to know my ‘campmates’ my friend Kosta Grammatis poignantly noted when I was still at the tender age of 19, ‘what’s interesting about you is that you’re so young but you feel like you should have already succeeded yesterday’.

This was more true than he knew.

I carried my ambition around in my life like giant jet pack of potential energy.

If I could unlock and master the gift on my back I could fly. I could soar.

But when I was weak, lost or confused, I felt crushed by the weight of it.

Kosmocentric Burden I called it.

My ambition wasn’t for self-validation.

I was born sitting on top of a metaphorical mountain, where I could see humanity’s vast potential for creation and for destruction. A world with both heavenly and hellish timelines.

And I could see what needed to be built to magnetize humanity towards the magnificently beautiful ones.

I could feel the capacity burning within inside me to bring this world into existence.

This was my hero’s journey.

It still is.

In a Campellian sense for these last 5-6 years, I felt stuck in my Road of Trials for what felt like an Inescapable Eternity. Even more so in the fog of multiple depressions.

Now I am through.

My younger self wanted to be here much quicker.

That it took much longer, was it because of failed tests or Destiny?

I’m not sure, but I now lean more towards the latter.

There are many paths up the mountain. And there pros and cons to any path.

I wanted to by farther along in my career and work goals by 27, but I have learned virtue of patience.

I have been molded by the stillness.

I have learned to love life out of the public spotlight before I’m thrust into it.

I wanted my training periods to be over sooner. To enter the field of battle and showcase the fruits of my training to myself and to the world.

But I was too eager.

“More training,” Spirit said.

“More Trials and Tribulations.”

And now my training has molded me now into an unbeatable warrior.

I have been afforded the time to to train longer, train harder, train deeper, train wider. Endure more pain and struggle. Plumb more depths of my shadow.

My struggles gave me more empathy for others struggling. More resilience to call on for the inevitable future slowdowns or down turns.

Now I look at the world’s best in so many fields: technology entrepreneurship, finance, academia, coaching, spirituality — sizing them up like a fighter.

Like Conor McGregor sizes up Jose Aldo, Eddie Alvarez and Tyrone Woodley and I know that I am better than them. That I have the potential to be the best of my generation.

So Today as I sit in LAX on my way to Costa Rica, I’m feeling grateful for so much:

I’m grateful for the opportunity to recharge in a beautiful, luxurious setting after busting my ass working 12-16 hour days for almost 6 months, founding multiple new projects and companies.

I’m grateful for finding the path to apply my understanding of technology trends, complex systems, informational synthesis and behavioral psychology, to expeditiously earn my financial freedom by crushing the stock market with ridiculous returns, with all signs pointing to me only getting better.

I’m grateful for having such magnificent to dreams chase.

I’m grateful for how strong my kosmocentric purpose has made me.

I’m grateful that hard work, engaged in full heartedly day after day, lifetime after lifetime, really does pay off.

I’m grateful for my connection to higher beings with sublime power far beyond my human capacity.

I’m grateful for my 2 year relationship with Tara — our depth, connection, mutual support and healing of my long lived wound of loneliness.

I’m grateful to have such amazing business partners who I share such a deep personal connection with. A mutual knowing that stretches across lifetimes set on a backdrop of unbreakable spiritual involution.

I’m grateful for the unconditional support and love from my family.

I’m grateful for being unburdened by childhood trauma.

I’m grateful for learning the skills early to enable my young adult self to process my young adult trauma and be fully free to offer my gifts to the world.

I’m grateful for all the opportunities I am being given to serve as vessel for radical individual and collective transformation.

I’m grateful for existence itself.

I’m grateful for all the beauty in the world.

The ecstasy and the suffering.

It is all perfect.

For one cannot know light without the dark.

One cannot know bliss without despair.

The journey is perfect.

The user experience is elegant.

And having the opportunity to live as self-transcending emergent oneness is so incredibly sexy.

I’m grateful for my spiritual teachers.

Tapping me into the timeless streams of wisdom in the deepest esoteric parts of Buddhism and Hindu Vedanta lineages.

I’m grateful the One is simultaneously the Many.

I’m grateful I get reconnect with so many souls I’ve shared so many lifetimes of karma with.

I’m grateful we get to be here.

To know each other.

To love each other.

To remember who we really are.

To paint novel evolutionary masterpieces together, sourced from the Groundless Ground of that Bottomless Depth.



Crushing the stock market for $55,000 in 1 month & funneling the proceeds into an entrepreneurial revolution

I crushed the market for $55,000 in October, more than doubling my starting capital of $50,000 in my prototypical hedge fund.
Which means, since I implemented a full diversified long/short option portfolio on July 1st, I’m now up $81,000 in 122 days for a 162% return.
And to think I’m dusting Wall Street as a fucking Rookie, who has only been actively trading for 5 months, who is only doing this as a part-time, side project, while founding a new tech startup.
And to think I have so much more room to improve — where I’ve already identified more than a dozen areas for personal improvement and capacity for greater edge once I add a team around me and scale up.
I Profit off of the Fallacy of the Efficient Market Hypothesis.
I Profit off of the Fear of Masses and their Emotional Weakness.
I Profit off of those who subscribe to Risk Management — which often means “I’m psychologically weak, ignorant of what really makes the market move, and/or unwilling to put my money where my mouth is and bet on my beliefs about the world”.
I Profit off of having a better Model of the World:
What’s growing faster than consensus, what’s contracting faster than consensus, and synthesizing the multivariate perspectives of the Macroscope and the Microscope.
Most people making money on Wall Street are just fucking Arbitrage Whores and Middle Men skimming off the technical inefficiencies of the market, because they don’t have any real insight about the world and where it’s going.
I beast the Long Side and the Short Side. I change my strategy when the world the changes. I’m flexible, pliable and adaptive.
“I’m the fucking future.” – Conor Mcgregor, “They don’t think like me, they don’t talk like me, they don’t move like me.”
I will continue to do what others think is impossible in all areas of life.
I’m a different breed of human.
Money has never been a particularly abundant area of my life, as I’ve never taken a job for the money, I’ve invested heavily in my health (both recovering from illness and maximizing wellness), I’ve invested heavily in my personal development over saving money, and I’ve always pursued what I’m most passionate about, even when there was little or no money to be found doing so.
I’ve lived many lean years on under $40k, grinding through founder startup salaries and un-lucrative but meaningful consulting projects.
I had a 6 figure cash-out once, but spent most of that money pursuing a new startup and recovering from the long depression that ensued when it failed.
Now refreshingly, I’ve found a way to directly convert my Genius directly into $$$.
You know what makes this victory even sweeter?
From July 2016 to June 2017, I was struggling with depression and being broke, while searching for the path where I could simultaneously pay my bills and work on starting a new tech company that had a long runway before it could pay me.
I was spending a lot of time studying political and economic trends, financial markets and the systemic instability of the world’s current trajectory.
I was helping my parents re-allocate their retirement portfolio and eventually felt confident enough in my understanding of the markets that I asked them if I could reinvest some of the left over money in an account that was set aside for my college education. Capital that had just been sitting there since I dropped out of Stanford in my first quarter in 2010.
This is where the majority of my starting capital for my prototypical hedge fund came from.
So, now with this exponentially growing capital in my treasure chest, I’m ready to unleash my Genius in many areas of the world simultaneously.
“I envision two, possibly three, belts on my shoulder.” – Conor McGregor
I will suck money out of the Financial System and funnel it into projects that will catalyze the Systemic Evolution and Development of the world.
I’ve got a new tech startup launching soon that will do more to accelerate the consciousness of the planet than anything being worked on today.
I’ve got a book coming out next year that revolutionize the management science of entrepreneurship and innovation for all who are ready to metabolize its message.
I’ve got more exciting projects in the pipeline that I haven’t even talked about yet.
“Make no mistake, I am setting up to be the greatest of all time. I am working towards it and, I will go down as the greatest of all time. – Conor McGregor”
The Old World Order is Breaking Down.
Environmental Destruction. Massive Wealth Inequality. Political Regression.
We are at a Chaos Point.
We will Level Up or Level Down.
Evolve or Regress.
The Status Quo is no longer stable.
The Path to Successfully bringing the New Paradigm into Existence rests on outcompeting the Old World at its own Game.
By being better at Finance. Better at Business. Better at Relationships. Better at Thinking. Better at Feeling. Better at Life.
Soon I will be inviting many more of you to join me in this Revolutionary Campaign.
And if that’s not for you, well then enjoy the show.
Just don’t get in my way.

A creative storm is coming

Social Proof for the coming Entrepreneurial Tantric Turquoise Takeover that has now been put into Motion after Lifetimes of Planning and Training:

Watch Out World.

The seeds of a Multi-Dimensional, Multi-Lifetime, Trans-Disciplinary, Consciously Transformational, Multi-Billion Dollar Business Empire have now been given Permission to Sprout.

Major Market and Ideological Disruption coming to a Phase Space near you!

I am its Cocky Humble Servant Gardening its Divine Energetic Expression.

Practice Patience as Destiny Fractally gathers the Life Force to Bloom.

This is a Multi-Decade Plan, not a Flash in the Pan.

Traction is here and I am Merely an Interstellar Point Man.

More Details Soon for How You Can Take Part.

As Conor McGregor, the Notorious One said, ”

[This] is the Law of Attraction, and it is the most powerful thing in the world. It is the belief that you are able to create whatever situation that you want for yourself, and no one can take it from you. It is believing something is already yours, and then doing whatever you have to so that it comes true.

If you can see it here and you have the courage enough to speak it, it will happen. I see these shots and sequences, and I don’t shy away from them. A lot of time people believe in certain things, but they keep it to themselves. They don’t put it out there. If you truly believe in it, if you become vocal with it, you are creating that Law of Attraction, and it will become reality.

This, the way I think and the way my mind goes, it is unstoppable. I can’t tell you exactly what it is, but it fucking works.”

How my spiritual confidence is born of pain & suffering

This is a long post I wrote this morning…so set aside 10-15 minutes to read it.

I have been sharing a lot of content that I’m sure many people feel is shamelessly self-promoting, arrogantly over-confident and an unreal farce for deep insecurity and unresolved shadow.

In this post, I will share many of the incredibly challenging experiences that enabled me to reach my current perch of unshakeable confidence.

Hopefully you will understand more about how the times of my greatest weakness, ultimately became the fuel for my greatest strength. And that my posts of strength rest on substantive foundations rather than air.

“The strongest steel is forged by the fires of hell. It is pounded and struck repeatedly before it’s plunged back into the molten fire. The fire gives it power and flexibility, and the blows give it strength. Those two things make the metal pliable and able to withstand every battle it’s called upon to fight.”

I have been through a lot of struggle in my life to get where I am today.

• I have struggled with social alienation, with both men and women, for most of my life.
• I have dealt with the intense Autoimmune illnesses of Leaky Gut, hyper-allergic-sensitivity to foods and Multiple Chemical Sensitivity.
• I have been through 4 episodes of Major Depression.
• I have been a part of many gut wrenching business failures, co-founder divorces and legal warfare.

My strength comes from the conquest of my adversity.

A) Social Alienation:

I have felt socially alienated for most of my life.

I didn’t have a close friend who I could truly discuss my true feelings about myself and the world until I was a sophomore in high school.

Instead of relationships founded on depth and connection, I derived my confidence and social self-worth from my athletic abilities.

As an athletic kid and teenager, when I was healthy, I was in the top 1% of my age group.

When I was 13, I started experiencing chronic back and ankle injuries that kept me perpetually in athletic purgatory. I was healthy enough to play, but never healthy enough to play to my potential or my peak abilities for very long.

From this place I was no longer a leader on my sports teams and the bond of masculine brotherhood was no longer there in the same way. Competing from an often injured place, I was now more burden than value.

I couldn’t find anyone who met me intellectually and spiritually, so now with my primary modality of social-connectedness gone, I felt completely alone.

While injured, I felt my social stature amongst men decrease. So did my self-confidence and it was harder to defend myself from the typical teenage jockeying for status. My social life was full of intentional emotional bullies, unsympathetic classmates, and little camaraderie on any level.

I also felt unattractive and undesirable to women. I was rejected by women I was sexually attracted to hundreds of times. I was rejected by women I loved many times. After high school, most of these interactions were with women 5-10 years older than me. Since I dropped out of college almost immediately to enter the technology world of Silicon Valley, these were the women in my community (if women were around much at all, in the 90/10 gender ratio waters I often swam in).

I was often told implicitly or explicitly by women that our connection was real, but that they couldn’t commit to a deeper physical connection because of our age difference. I was left to dwell in the feelings of unrealized possibility and unrequited love.

I endured the societal pressure, pain and loneliness of not losing my virginity until my early 20s. I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 25. After all of these experiences, I couldn’t help but wonder whether there was something fundamentally wrong or unloveable about me, despite a deep sense of self-worth ready to rush back to the surface at the first sign of external validation.

(An Aside: I feel so fortunate that my first imprint of committed partnership in this life has been with Tara. Where I have felt fully loved, seen, appreciated and directly experienced the power of a securely attached romantic bond. I feel so grateful for being part of an enduring relationship, that has been so transformative in how we have offered each other mutual support towards evolving into greater versions of ourselves.)

B) Entrepreneurial Hardship

When I was working on the early ideas behind the Startup Genome I was told by entrepreneurs that I respected that I was delusional and that I should give up and go back to school.

Even after my work started getting traction in the world, I was still told by some of those same people that my work on the Startup Genome was worthless, harmful to entrepreneurs, and that I should quit and go back to the safety of a conventional life path by getting an undergraduate degree at Stanford or working at a well funded tech startup.

I have been rejected by people in the business world hundreds of times.I have attempted dozens of business ideas with friends that have failed at various stages of development.I have been forced out of a company I co-founded, that I put the entire force of my being, vitality, and life mission behind.

I have had some of my closest mentors abruptly disown and abandon me, presumably because they were afraid of my fire — and have had them never truly engage with me again.I have been in legal warfare with my best friend and become good friends again years later. I have been completely broke where I also felt too ashamed to ask family for help.

I have felt incredibly excited to collaborate on a business with one of my spiritual teachers, only to find his own self-worthlessness come out in equity discussions, and when we couldn’t come to agreement, have him threaten to sue me if I worked with anyone on similar concept. At this point, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was destined to simply repeat the pattern of seeing the potential for beautiful, transformational tech companies that would continually be undermined by the lack of enduring alignment with my business partners.

C) Biological Illness

I have been diagnosed with Leaky Gut, toxic mold poisoning, heavy metal poisoning and Multiple Chemical Sensitivity.

Worse still, before I found conformational diagnoses with cutting edge autoimmune based lab testing, close people in my life believed I was a Hypochondriac or at the least, almost all my symptoms were Psychological rather than Biological.

When I first learned about Multiple Chemical Sensitivity, I read that it was a lifetime illness that could only be managed not cured. I read dozens of stories from people on forums on the internet, who validated that the lifetime incurable nature of the condition. Their lives seemed miserable and full of unfulfilling, meaningless struggle.

Initially, my family had a lot of resistance to getting me the medical support I needed to investigate this Autoimmune disorder, as the tests costed thousands of dollars, and the actions to take as a result were not necessarily going to be clear.

My condition of Multiple Chemical Sensitivity was still very much a part of my life. Even though I had a proper diagnosis, the healing road was long and uncertain.

Living with MCS, the world outside my home was always dangerous and unsafe. Everywhere I went, harmful invisible, small chemical particles lurked. I couldn’t go to any social or professional event without fear that I might have to leave. And when I would insist that I couldn’t be in a space due to MCS, many people wouldn’t understand why and also believe there was something psychologically wrong with me.

To a person without Multiple Chemical Sensitivity the effect of these particles is a minor stressor that is unnoticeable to most in their conscious awareness and is easily processed by the Liver.

To me however, small quantities of these harmful, airborne particles would trigger a debilitating Autoimmune reaction leaving me to feel inflamed, fatigued and mentally foggy like I had 3 glasses of wine.

Sometimes, when I felt comfortable enough with the people I was with and there was low grade mold or VOCs in the space I was in, I would put on one of those high tech respirators that bikers in China wear to protect themselves from air pollution.

But I still I felt like one of those strange feeble looking women you see in the airport with the medical masks over their face — instead of being the strong, masculine leader I saw myself on the trajectory of becoming.

Most old buildings have some quantity of mold and most new buildings have off-gassing Volatile Organic Chemicals (VOCs) primarily from building materials, furniture and poor air quality due to the of circulation of fresh, oxygenated outdoor air.

At times, I felt completely debilitated, cognitively incapacitated, and energetically drained from my biological and psychological illnesses.

Without my abilities, and without a prognosis that included hope for making a full recovery I often felt completely worthless and that life was not worth living.

D) Psychological Illness

I have been through 4 episodes of Major Depression.

I have experienced the Dark Night of the Soul not just once, but multiple times.

I have met with many therapists who made my depression worse, reflecting back a set of life possibilities for myself that felt like Spiritual Suicide.

I have been completely crushed by the Simultaneity of my problems:

All at the same time, I was kicked out the company I co-founded, I lost my sense of life purpose and direction, could check nearly all the boxes on the Quarter Life Crisis checklist, I had toxic mold in my living situation and experienced constant low grade inflammation, brain fog, chronic fatigue and sensorial tingling that left me with little capacity to dig myself out of the hole I was in.

I had almost no money. The rest was being drained by poor quality lawyers who failed to translate my case into a viable strategy and led me down a legal dead-end, where they were simply wasting tens of thousands of dollars my and my family’s money. I had no ability to get or work at a job. And no ability to create a new healthy living situation for myself.

I would talk with friends and family about my situation and almost always came away feeling misunderstood and more depressed due to lack of resonance and the additive feeling of a vulnerability hangover and the effect it would have on my reputation if I ever did find a way to get better again.

I thought, “who would support me in being an entrepreneur again, as a co-founder, employee or investor, if they’ve seen me like this?”

Friends and family felt helpless in knowing how to support me and I had to endure the inaccuracy of their projections.

One of the biggest areas of dissonance when I would share what I was feeling with my friends and family, is that their message would roughly be along the lines of, “it’s okay if you don’t achieve your ambitions…they were naíve or misguided ambitions in some ways, and the lesson to learn from these hard times that have sent you into depression is that you need to take less risk and be more realistic.”

I didn’t accept that, even when I was depressed.

I wanted a path to get better and to make another attempt at my life goals — from a new angle, with new learnings and new depth alive inside me.

I never wanted to give up. I merely felt lost without a viable path forward toward recovery and re-emergence.

Even when I fell low enough, for long enough, that friends finally were able to provide me with the support I needed to form a foundation for my life from which I could rebuild, my outlook was still very bleak.

How could I ever feel satisfied living such a humble life as a result of my biological and psychological illnesses when all the meaning I found in my life was from the Existential Hero’s Journey of grand contribution that I felt I was on since I was a young boy.

I felt that everything I wanted to do with my life was now longer possible.

I wanted to die and start over.

I thought either I have a soul and I will get another shot or that is it and the pain will be over.

If there’s no path out from where I am, either option is better than this debilitating purgatory. But I can endure for a long time before I’m ready to take my own life.

I felt ashamed for thinking this way. And that I couldn’t share this logic with anyone lest they try to hospitalize me or put me on medication, or some other conventional medical intervention, coming from a place of fear rather than understanding and love.

I felt ashamed that I wasn’t able to hold many of my Spiritual Realizations through experiences of Depression. But I also felt the boldness of my soul’s mission was also a Spiritual Truth that many traditions Spiritually Bypass by skipping straight from the Relative self to the Absolute God.

I had a Major Depressive Episode go from bad to worse when the 2nd night of an Ayahuasca Ceremony completely overwhelmed me with feelings that the Life Story and Hero’s Journey I worked so hard to construct for myself was a complete lie, and that I should just kill myself now.

I was left feeling utterly flattened into a pit of despair and hopelessness for nearly 7 months towards the end of 2014 into 2015.

It’s possible I shouldn’t have been doing Ayahuasca, as it can often accelerate the emotional amplitude of those who experience both intense depression and hypomania. However, I would still like to engage the medicine again when I am more in the middle of my emotional spectrum, as I have so many friends who have received so much value from this work.

I have endured the exhausting never ending background noise of Suicidal Ideation for months at a time.

I have imagined that the most my life would be worth to society would be as a “Cautionary Tale of Ambition gone Wrong”. A modern day Icarus.

I was too ashamed to see friends.

I couldn’t work. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t feel.

To beat the suicidal ideation, I resolved to simply let the world do whatever it wanted with me.

And to see how society would treat “a failed, debilitated, formerly intelligent, ambitious, middle class white male”.

Unable to see a path out of my situation, I played chess and online poker for 12 hours a day to numb the pain.

It may not always be easy to tell that I am a highly emotional person, since in any personality system I am one of the most cognitive types. But the intensity with which I feel is what drives the bipolarity of my emotions. And I see this as an immense strength and gift that I must learn to harness rather than illness.

In my most recent depression, I completely surrendered what I once believed to be my Purpose and Destiny.

I completely gave up on my dreams and my identity.

I gave up all that I am to the Sublime Powers beyond me.

And I rested in the faith of their plan for me.

I rested in the truth of Being and Becoming.

Of relative perfection and that whatever happens from here on out is perfect. Is beautiful. Is art.

I chose to source my identity not from anything I did in this world.

But from the depth of my Soul.

And the Oneness of my Spirit.

Suffice to say,

Spirit has trained me well.

And what my pain and suffering have done is burn away all that is not me,

Leaving only,

Who I Truly Am



I have been reflecting on how I’ve handled my experiences of pain, suffering and hardship in life and what lessons I would like to offer to others:

1) Feel your feelings. Do not numb yourself to your emotions. Let them move through you. Work on you. Shape you.

See depression as a cleanse. See failures as temporary mistakes on your quest in learning how to enable your Soul to Soar and your Heart to Sing.

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” ― Eric Thomas

2) Don’t let the pain of your disappointments lower your standards or ambitions. Your deepest desires are unshakably true. Never give up on pursuing their fulfillment.

“True desire in the heart for anything good is God’s proof to you sent beforehand to indicate that it’s yours already,” – Denzel Washington

3) Practice Self-Responsibility, Forgiveness and Compassion.

Self-Responsibility. When things go wrong in your life, start by looking at yourself and inquiring into what you could have done better. Don’t be a victim. At a fundamental level almost anyone who harmed you, you let them in your life. And if there was a fundamental misalignment between the two of you, you only chose that person because you hadn’t yet sufficiently learned that lesson.

Forgiveness. Holding onto resentment and anger is an emotional poison that only hurts yourself.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned – Gautama Buddha

Compassion. Understand that people aren’t evil. They have their own traumas and deficiencies, and most people really are trying to do the best they can. Do not morally vilify people for their incapacity. But do raise your standards. And even if you are hurt by people, you can still unconditionally love them through their own growth experience. All human Souls are evolving back up towards the Divine Light of God. But sometimes some of them get stuck, and forget who they are and forget that we are all Ultimately One. Help them remember. Even when they hurt you.

4) Fear is an illusion

“There is nothing to fear but fear itself.” – Franklin Delanor Roosevelt

Fear fundamentally arises from a false illusion of separateness from the totality of being.
Death is an illusion. The personality dies but the soul lives on and is always learning, growing and progressing. Learning to rewire your identity to the whole of the cosmos and your agency to the timeless depth of your soul is one of the most powerful spiritual transformations you can have.

5) Pain is Inevitable in Life but Suffering is a Choice.

Whether life phenomena are experienced as mere pain sensation arising in the field of awareness, or instead as unbearable suffering is a matter of learnable perspective.

In essence, this is a summary of the 4 Noble Truths of Buddhism.

I’ve seen them well summarized like this:
i. Suffering, unsatisfactoriness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, illusion and confusion are an inescapable part of life.
ii. There is a root cause for these.
iii. There is a way to work with and eventually remove this cause.
iv. There is a practical method for doing so accessible to anyone willing to apply themselves.

Every human can find their own meditative path of Awakening, if they would like to be free of suffering, experience Ultimate Liberation, the flourishing of all positive states and an inextricable feeling of meaning, purpose and connectedness.

If you have had glimpses of these Higher States of Consciousness, which almost everyone has, know that they are Real. Have faith that you can access them all the time. And that if you find the right teacher and set of practices and lineages aligned for your personality and soul, you can have access to these deeper truths of Reality all the time.

The Great Spiritual Saints, Sages and Mystics of Human History are not wrong.

In fact, they are more right than the small you could ever know.

The notorious Max Marmer embrace the chaos (video)

Social Proof for the coming Entrepreneurial Tantric Turquoise Takeover that has now been put into Motion after Lifetimes of Planning and Training:

Watch Out World.


The seeds of a Multi-Dimensional, Multi-Lifetime, Trans-Disciplinary, Consciously Transformational, Multi-Billion Dollar Business Empire have now been given Permission to Sprout.

Major Market and Ideological Disruption coming to a Phase Space near you!

I am its Cocky Humble Servant Gardening its Divine Energetic Expression.

Practice Patience as Destiny Fractally gathers the Life Force to Bloom.

This is a Multi-Decade Plan, not a Flash in the Pan.

Traction is here and I am Merely an Interstellar Point Man.

More Details Soon for How You Can Take Part.

As Conor McGregor, the Notorious One said, ”

[This] is the Law of Attraction, and it is the most powerful thing in the world. It is the belief that you are able to create whatever situation that you want for yourself, and no one can take it from you. It is believing something is already yours, and then doing whatever you have to so that it comes true.

If you can see it here and you have the courage enough to speak it, it will happen. I see these shots and sequences, and I don’t shy away from them. A lot of time people believe in certain things, but they keep it to themselves. They don’t put it out there. If you truly believe in it, if you become vocal with it, you are creating that Law of Attraction, and it will become reality.

This, the way I think and the way my mind goes, it is unstoppable. I can’t tell you exactly what it is, but it fucking works.”