I am grateful for the continued presence in my feed of strong, powerful, fiery, articulate female voices lighting the path forward towards the higher forms of Masculine/Feminine relationship in this disorienting time of old form gender deconstructionism.
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From Maria Palumbo:
Masculine, society has done you a disservice.
We have told you to kill your soul fire, as to not offend us.
Be nice husbands, good fathers, have a moral life and do not do the wrong thing, or else. But that keeps you from doing anything at all.
We have told you to ask politely for what you want and never own us.
We ask you to smile sweetly, never push, never demand, never hunger.
To be a washed out version of a man.
You have been walking around like a sexual anorexic in the name of being “good,” acting out in ways that bring you shame and pain, because society does not welcome your fullest animal self.
In the name of feminism we declare we don’t need you and find you not knowing how to truly let yourself be needed.
If you are fully awake in your sexuality, we like to call you wrong, humiliate you, even put a label on you and cast you out forever without explaining to you exactly what we desire.
But we need you here.
Pulsating, alive, vibrant, awake.
We need that fire in your eyes that light up when you see a beautiful woman.
We need your hands that know just how to touch us so we cannot help but say your name over and over.
We need your “No,” and “I desire,” more than your “I’m not sure,” and “Are you okay?”
We need you calling out the woman in us with trust in our ability for you to handle us, knowing we will not break under you.
During this #metoo movement you have become even more careful, you are not allowed to have an opinion, you are not allowed to speak up. And we call this women’s freedom.
We think we are giving our women a greater voice by silencing you, jumping on any word that you may or may not say and casting you out of our loving embrace forever.
We are hurting ourselves by removing your agency and power.
No, you might not always say the right thing or do the right thing.
Your come on might be a turn off.
And we will make an adjustment. We will speak up. You musnt turn the light off entirely in fear of being, “too much.”
When we tell you to be quiet:
Speak up.
When we say that your desire is too much:
Roar it from the rooftops.
When you try to talk yourself into a life of normalcy and empty promises:
Burn it all down.
We need you alive, undone, dripping with the nectar of life that nourishes us like nothing else.
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This cultural battle for the future aspirational dynamic between Men and Women and the Masculine and the Feminine, is for women to lead.
Not only because the Feminine been historically silenced, but as I’ve written before it is now more Evolved (https://www.facebook.com/maxhmarmer/posts/10212702473970804)
In a post #metoo environment rife with uncorked emotion and energy embodying the full gamut of the better and lesser Angels of our Nature…
With the lesser vibrating with: anger, vitriol, shame, counter-aggression, division and separation.
I am stand for the Better Angels of our Nature vibrating with: love, unity, respect, healing restoration, and mutually transformational symbiosis.
The only way forward to the world our deepest hearts know is possible is through the co-evolutionary empowerment of the upward spiraling double-helix of the Collective Masculine/Feminine Polarity.
Here are two other powerful posts from friends and leaders lighting the way forward written in the last 2 weeks.
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From Samantha Sweetwater:
Complaining about patriarchy seems like one of the very worst ways to heal patriarchy. What we resist persists.
I have never seen any conversation about resisting patriarchy do anything to heal it. Rather, it polarizes men from women, stirs anger and separation, and creates divides between imagined sides that aren’t even real.
We’ve all internalized patriarchy, and in my 25 years as a healer I have come to see, without a doubt, that patriarchy entraps and disempowers the masculine in equal proportion to the harm it has done to the feminine.
I feel that it is incumbent on us to drop the block. We have the strength of heart to take the chip off our collective shoulders.
Real healing – both for individuals and between people – is born in the interior strength, courage and self response-ability to set down pain, anger and victimhood and to step forward in trust.
The current terms of the conversation leave very little room for men to be full human beings, to be allies for women, or to come to terms with the fact that patriarchy enslaved them, too.
From Gillian Pothier:
THE SHAMING of THE MASCULINE:
WEAPONIZED FEMININE PAIN
Yesterday, I came across a post here in the FB wilds that made my heart skip a beat.
The subject of this particular thread was masculine ineptitude. Some dude somewhere said the unconscious thing. Some man somewhere was semi-invasive, judgmental + old school in his outreach. All of this is TRUE….and…there is a massive PROBLEM when all that it takes to trip the live-wire of the feminine pain body into a frenzied state of collusion is just some dude who says stupid, uncultivated shit:
another banal example of sanctimonious masculine communication.
Dozens upon dozens of women jumped on the thread and were hungrily throwing down their favorite eye-rolling gifs and snarky comments into the feeding frenzy. One disrespectful comment rolling right after the next, a parade of exasperated, eye-rolling gifs all serving to feed the INCOMPLETE narrative we are mainlining in our collective about the Masculine:
Men are inept.
Men do and say stupid shit.
Men are fools.
(and of course: Men are dangerous, altho this was not the aspect of the Masculine being spotlighted in this particular thread)
In the name of “solidarity”, many women believe that we deserve to experience “fun” or comedy by shaming these behaviors and by celebrating their disrespect of the masculine. It is, after all, what we have been hypnotized into believing is an appropriate response via television + movies that celebrate the bumbling masculine, the man-boy, or the fool.
In my clearly less entertaining world-view, laughing at another’s expense is never a “parade” or comedic. It is nothing more than gallows humor:
an unconscious and misaligned antidote to our own unspoken *greatest and singularly most devastating feminine fear*:
WHAT IF THIS IS TRUE?
What if NO MAN will EVER be able to meet me in the fullness and the wildness of my own feminine expression?
As I looked over the names of the women who were posting on that thread, my heart sank further. I know some of these women personally and professionally and have long admired their voices and their work in the world. They may read these words. And yet, here they were, armed with snarky gifs and sass, highlighting + shaming the unconscious masculine in the *false-light* name of “solidarity”.
With clucking enthusiasm, the women cheered:
“OMG, THIS THREAD IS THE BEST THING ON THE INTERNET!”
Um, NO.
Let me tell you something, babygirl, that thread — and what motivates threads like these — is decidedly NOT “the best thing on the internet”…..these threads REEK of feminine desperation. Sure, its all packaged up in cheeky “fun” and “humor” and “solidarity” — but it is straight-up feminine grief, rage, fear, and heartbreak all tricked out in the wolf’s clothing of social media.
Posts like these (and there is no shortage of them) are viewed hundreds and hundreds of time, they energetically AMPLIFY THE WOUND and the separation between men and women: they are *not* benevolent.
There is always a “river beneath the river” — and when dozens of women come together to commiserate, disrespect, poke fun and share quips of their latest encounter with the unconscious, checked-out masculine, it is not “humor” they are seeking. It is a pressure release valve, *at the expense of the masculine* (and their deepest feminine integrity, I would fully suspect) because their own feminine pain body is terribly hurting. They have been disappointed, heartbroken, or a wound has been inadvertently touched or re-opened and instead of BEING WITH THE TRUTH OF THE PAIN, we lash out….lipgloss, hair just so, a cute dress, mile high heels… and READY TO KILL.
I deeply understand this feminine desperation:
IT IS IN ME, TOO.
There are moments that this longing feels ancient and timeless, a deep desperate weariness in body + heart for men to ALIGN in action and behavior to the TRUTH of WHO THEY ARE. And when they FAIL through meekness, arrogance, impulsivity, unconsciousness, or privilege, it touches a brimstone in the feminine psyche that RAGES in anguish. I know this place in me…I know both the fury and the sorrow that feels like it may just swallow me whole.
THERE IS A MASSIVE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FEELING OUR FEELINGS AND WEAPONIZING THEM.
The moment we as women use our voice or social platforms to spotlight masculine ineptitude just for the hell of it, to shame men in a throw-down of anguish + sorrow masquerading as “humor”, we are literally weaponizing our own pain. Our pain becomes nothing more than a heat-seeking missile for collusion amongst our wounded sisters. We literally project it, vomiting it into the collective for agreement and collusion by other women who share similar wounding, the same fears, and a similar unmetabolized trauma constellation. All human beings share the same evolutionary thrust to belong….but seeking agreement and collusion to unconsciously regulate OUR OWN PAIN is nothing more than collective trauma-bonding.
The dark truth is that sometimes it IS easier to weaponize our pain than it is to bear the weight of our own archaic feminine heartache. However, each time we weaponize our pain, we are CREATING THE PROBLEM. We are perpetuating the narrative that is being *AGREED UPON BY WOMEN ABOUT MEN* and THEREFORE **CREATED** in the collective.
Women: instead of giving up our power by succumbing to shaming men for their weakness/unconsciousness/abuse of privilege, etc, we need to UNDERSTAND OUR OWN POWER and SHOW UP in our FULLNESS ALIGNED TO THIS GREAT and IMMENSE FEMININE CREATIONAL POTENCY.
**DISRESPECTING THE MASCULINE IS THE OPPOSITE FREQUENCY OF TRUE FEMININE POWER.**
I am going to write those words again so that specific transmission stands a shot in the dark chance of penetrating the clenched and armored Feminine heart:
**DISRESPECTING THE MASCULINE IS THE OPPOSITE FREQUENCY OF TRUE FEMININE POWER.**
As women, we need to BE and DO BETTER than this weaponization of our Feminine pain, for ourselves, for one another, our children, our world, and YES: OUR MEN.
