{"id":1530,"date":"2015-12-24T13:40:35","date_gmt":"2015-12-24T19:40:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.maxmarmer.com\/?p=1530"},"modified":"2015-12-27T22:52:47","modified_gmt":"2015-12-28T04:52:47","slug":"the-old-souls-lonely-walk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.maxmarmer.com\/blog\/the-old-souls-lonely-walk\/","title":{"rendered":"The Old Soul’s Lonely Walk"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u202a#\u200e<\/span>TBT\u202c<\/span><\/a> : I just found a poem I wrote when I was 15.<\/p>\n

I don’t think I ever shared this one with anyone.<\/p>\n

When I occasionally dig into my journals from the past, I am struck by how much I am living almost exactly the life I saw before myself as a kid and teenager.<\/p>\n

\n

I often forget what my inner world was like when I was much younger and reading this poem this morning tickled my feeling of fate. As if my life is merely the construction of a blueprint set before birth. With my greatest strength born in its faith and my deepest depression born in its doubt.<\/p>\n

“Man is supposed to be the maker of his destiny. It is only partly true. He can make his destiny, only in so far as he is allowed by the Great Power.”
\n– Mahatma Gandhi<\/p>\n

————————–<\/p>\n

UNTITLED<\/p>\n

I am picky
\n\u2026I am left to solitude
\nI am enlightened
\n\u2026I am a precocious phony
\nI am smart
\n\u2026I am condescending
\nI am gregarious
\n\u2026I am annoying
\nI am stoical
\n\u2026I am boring
\nI am quixotic
\n\u2026I am a know-it-all
\nI am left ephemeral glimpses of success
\nWhile I combat the next failure
\nIn triumph I only find misery
\nDaunting as they become increasingly harder
\nConfusion as to how they arose
\nHow am I not myself?
\nI try desperately to rip a whole in the blanket of normality
\nSickened that the only way is to stand on its shoulders
\nI climb alone
\nLost on a journey looking for companionship
\nSo demanding is society to fit the mold of public acceptance
\nBetrayal to become it, loss of identity
\nEnjoying being trapped in the box
\nScornfully staring at the few who dare to challenge
\nThe sky is the limit
\nBut to those in the box the limit is the ceiling, no more than six feet above their head
\nLeft to drown in my solitude
\nI must accept it or conform to what I hate
\nA world of hypocrisy
\nA mind taught not to think for itself
\nAn enjoyable outcome is hard to come by when you must invent it yourself
\nExhaustion clouds my thoughts and ideals
\nA try to mix and match in a world of black white
\nI am a blurry haze to the colorblind
\nI am a contradiction of love and hate
\nMy idiosyncrasies are used for leverage to knock me down and boast normality
\nA gap is created
\nOne I do not enjoy
\nI search for a middle ground but find only empty space
\nFloating in nothingness I find peace
\nShort lived for I find I am bored
\nLost for words I cannot express my feelings
\nI am stuck looking for hope
\nSeeing signs of happiness though fleeting
\nI find myself chasing my tail
\nRepeating yet not knowing why
\nAs do other I crave though others
\nBut unlike many I crave two different worlds
\nAnd yet I can have neither
\nIts have if people can see straight through me and not see sincerity
\nYet being completely oblivious to any realization why
\nAnd I am left with the word \u201cNo\u201d
\nAnd a trail of foot steps leading off into the distance<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u202a#\u200eTBT\u202c : I just found a poem I wrote when I was 15. I don’t think I ever shared this one with anyone. When I occasionally dig into my journals from the past, I am struck by how much I am living almost exactly the life I saw before myself as a kid and teenager. Continue Reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1530","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poetry","cat-28-id"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Old Soul's Lonely Walk - Max Marmer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.maxmarmer.com\/blog\/the-old-souls-lonely-walk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Old Soul's Lonely Walk - Max Marmer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u202a#\u200eTBT\u202c : I just found a poem I wrote when I was 15. 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