Many people don’t speak their mind and fail to communicate authentically because they are afraid of being judged.
Often times this fear of being judged isn’t even recognized consciously. This is because the fear comes from an unconscious survival protection program designed to keep you alive.
Basically, most of our unconscious psychological programs evolved in the hunter gather era when humans lived in tribes.
Humans gained an evolutionary advantage by doing this because there was safety in numbers. In this era, one of the worst thing that could happen to you would be getting kicked out of the tribe. Because then you were alone and would likely starve to death or be killed by wild animals.
In this era, it often made survival sense to keep your mouth shut and not express anything that controversial that could get you kicked out of the tribe and be consigned to the fate of imminent death.
This same psychological program is at the core of why many people report being more afraid of Public Speaking than Death. Because by speaking in public you were risking tribal disapproval and thus death.
Unfortunately this strategy of keeping your true thoughts to yourself is incredibly unadaptive in today’s society.
If you don’t express yourself fully, you will not grow as person, you will not attract people into your life who are good for you and your impact on the world will be marginal.
So it’s REALLY important to overcome this fear of authentically expressing your feelings and thoughts.
Now I’m going to share one “psychological program” I use to allow me to be bold in my self-expression and why it works.
Let’s call it “The Polarization Promise”.
Generally this approach or philosophy is based on accepting the idea that the “polarizing” effect of strongly expressing your beliefs and values is a good thing in today’s modern world, even if your old unconscious fear creating program causes you to feel otherwise.
The key difference between the hunter-gatherer world and today’s modern information world is that in the Hunter Gather stage of societal development there was only *One* Tribe for you to join, but now there are *Thousands*.
And now that there are thousands of tribes, getting kicked out of one tribe isn’t such a bad thing. Especially if it’s because you authentically expressed your beliefs and values and found the rest of the tribe wasn’t aligned with you.
While it may be scary to be temporarily without a tribe. You now have the opportunity to find a tribe that *is* aligned with your beliefs and values.
Another very important point to consciously recognize is that if you do get kicked out of a tribe, they aren’t going to come after you and try to kill you. Your old tribe members will actually just ignore you. They are busy with their own lives.
That’s why the downside isn’t so bad.
Now let’s look at the the upside of “The Polarization Promise”.
Once you start practicing this approach you find that you start attracting all the people who are VERY ALIGNED with your beliefs and values and push away the people who are not.
You accept that most people will not be on your wavelength.
You accept that you can’t please everybody and instead focus on finding your tribe.
And finding your tribe will vastly accelerate your self-actualization and ability to give your deepest gifts to the world. In fact, you probably cannot come anywhere close to your potential if you don’t find your tribe.
The best way to find your tribe is to boldly and authentically express your beliefs and values.
So the next time you don’t express what you truly believe because you are afraid of being judged, just remember the power of “The Polarization Promise” and its ability to enable you to find a better life by finding your tribe.
I’m very grateful to have found mine.